The People vs. The Hangover

So if you are someone that thinks there is nothing more nerdy than writing blog posts, you are wrong. I spent nearly an hour last night looking at The Gavel's site stats. A few interesting things were accrued from this research. For instance, people from Germany, England, Romania, and Columbia have taken a peek. Someone found this blog via Google by searching "Michael Bolton Sucks." And the most popular and most visited post to date has centered on drinking bad wine.

In conclusion, my audience is a worldly bunch of drunks with a little bit of music taste. In order to cater to the interests of my audience (thank you marketing 101) I have created an Ultimate Hangover Mix to soundtrack this post.


The Ultimate Hangover Finalists:

































































































Final Verdict: Idiot #2

The Finest In Yellow Journalism

Embellishment and sensationalism are often implemented when telling a story for dramatic or comedic effect. In many cases, deviating slightly from the truth is understood and even welcomed. However, as is obvious to most already, when one strays too far from the truth it often leads to false notions of what actually took place. The Superbad clip (NSFW) below provides a perfect example of my last point.

This leads us to our next case. Which of the following sources do you consider to be the best reporter of news...and why?

The Onion:
They proclaim to be "America's Finest News Source." If you need a representative sample of their reporting check out this video clip.



Fox News:
Some people argue Fox News and its anchor-people are biased because they cater heavily to the conservative/Republican agenda. But that seems a bit unfair. Afterall, their slogan is "We report. You decide." Decide from this video...

Weekly World News:
Billed as "The world's only reliable news source," WWN has a long and storied history of bringing people facts. And it should come as no surprise that it's the eighth highest circulating newspaper in the world when they have quality news stories like this one.


The Daily Show:
Led by the charismatic John Stewart, its main goal is to bring truth and facts back to the news...with a "slight" liberal bias. Get a flavor of their leftist propaganda below.



Final Verdict: The Daily Show (4 vs. 2 the Onion vs. 0 Fox News vs. 0 WWN)

The Gavel Goes Green

It has been over a month since I subjected any of you to my absurd dribble, and as much as I'd like to claim my return to blogging is due to an overwhelming demand for my witty verbiage, it's more a byproduct of me just being bored.

Although some time has passed, not much has changed has it? The news media refuses to report on anything except Obama's former fanatical, religious, conspiracy theorist Reverend Wright, America's gas prices, and the struggling national economy.

I thought I'd give you a break from the redundant, repetitive, and superabundant aforementioned topics and talk about the importance of going "GREEN." Okay...so it's just as obvious and annoying as the others, but I have some green ideas that most people (aka sane people) haven't necessarily thought of. It's your task to decide which of these you will adopt this summer to save our planet from imminent doom.

Shower in the Sculpture Garden
The Cherry Spoon provides guests with the option of a quick shower or a nice relaxing bath. Remember to bring your own earth-friendly suds or bubble bath.

Or for those true earth crusaders...try not showering...at all!





Order Every Meal From Galactic Pizza
They have a complete vision of the future that lists all of the different green and community enriching activities they engage in already.

Your pizza might cost an extra $ or $$, but superhero delivery men and women (i.e. Captain Awesome, Veggie Avenger, Luke Pierocker, etc.) bring you your pies which totally makes up for the extra money, right?

If not, according to this article, you can get 50% off your order if you dress like Richard Simmons. Lucky for me...


Buy Your Clothes at Ragstock
I guess any used store will do, huh? Fashion is perhaps the most cyclical industry in existence so you know no matter how stupid you might look wearing your new neon off-the-shoulder tanks or tight acid wash pants you'll eventually be back in style soon...you could even start a trend! Remember...you have to suffer for fashion.

And it seems like a horrible thing to bring up winter when we just survived a long one, but I hear that Ragstock has a killer sweater section.



Final Verdict: Eat Organic Food (4 vs. 1 vs. 1)

Michael Bolton vs. Fingernails on a Chalkboard

As usual, I was being a huge nerd the other day and alphabetizing my CD collection (at least I wasn't putting them in chronological order like John Cusack in High Fidelity.) For the most part, I was pleased that I had a number of solid and timeless purchases, including: The Beatles' Help!, Arcade Fire's Funeral, and Sam Cooke's The Hits.

I also came across a few purchases that beg the question, "What the hell was I thinking?" such as: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Soundtrack, Jay-Z's The Black Album: Acappella, and Pissed Jean's Hope For Men. However, it wasn't until I found Michael Bolton's The Hunger in my CD stacks that I became embarrassed.

Michael Bolton

"How am I Supposed to Live Without You" seen above, is Bolton's most successful song. It held the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 charts for three straight weeks. Which sounds impressive until you learn that Los Del Rio's "Macarena" held the #1 spot for 14 weeks.

Fingernails on a Chalkboard

Taken from Nightmare on Elm Street, this clip is without a doubt the most dramatic take on the old cliche.

Now the question you have to ask yourself is...if you had to listen to one of these more than once, which would it be?

Final Verdict: Michael Bolton wins (6 vs. 1)