Franzia vs. Carlo Rossi vs. Boone's Farm

There are really only two kinds of wine drinkers. There are those that simply drink wine and then those that obnoxiously smell, swirl, sip, and pontificate about wine. The video embedded below, a scene from Sideways, an often-times funny movie about two men's journey to wine country in Napa Valley, provides an amazingly accurate example of what I'm talking about, and should help you figure out which kind of wine drinker you are.



If you aligned more with the dude on the left (Thomas Hayden Church), you probably already know and love Franzia, Carlo Rossi, and Boone's Farm wine and this discussion will probably take you back to the days when "blue tooth" was what you got the morning after a bout with the vino. If you saw yourself in the dude on the right (Paul Giamatti), you most assuredly never allowed yourself to drink such "classless" wine, or at the very least, would never admit it in public. For those that have already had the pleasure of getting to know these fine spirits, I apologize, for I will be highlighting facts you are already aware of. But for those snobs out there, read and learn about what makes each of these fine wines so great.

Franzia: IT COMES IN A BOX! Which as far as I know, doesn't give it any other legitimate advantage other than...IT COMES IN A BOX! According to their website, "Water flows over the American Falls at Niagara Falls at a rate of 75,000 gallons per second. At that rate, it would take over 13 minutes for all the Franzia wine sold in one year to flow into the Niagara River!" I know...amazing, right? The flow-rate of the Franzia box is also quite impressive thanks to its built-in spigot...which someone smarter than me has already proven has its uses.


Carlo Rossi: There are 13 types of wine that Carlo puts into jugs for our enjoyment, which makes it easy to find one with flavors to complement whatever it is you might be eating...here's an example. And after you savor the last drop of your jug-wine, you can still put it to good use...by making something out of it. Check out these hot designs: Chardonnay Chandelier, Cabernet Couch, Sangria Sound System, and the Paisano Plasma TV Stand. See snobs...Carlo is all class!


Boone's Farm: Unlike most wine-makers, Boone's Farm doesn't have your standard flavors (i.e. Chardonnay, Cabernet, Merlot, etc.). It has better ones, like: Apple Blossom, Mountain Berry, Orange Hurricane and of course Strawberry Hill. But the best part about Boone's Farm wine is that you will never dirty a wine glass because it is meant to be enjoyed directly from the bottle.


Final Verdict: Franzia (6-Franzia vs. 5-Carlo Rossi vs. 0-Boone's Farm)